Fresh Off The Bus

Day X – Self Internalisation and Time; Carpe Diem | February 24, 2013

This post might end up being very long, and it might not make much sense either. It’s about 11:30 PM; I have school tomorrow, a metric tonne of homework I haven’t completed and frankly, my mind isn’t dealing too well with life at the moment. You’ll also notice that I am spelling words the British/Australian way. Deal with it.

So as the title says, I am on my tenth day of TSW. By the way, if you don’t already know, TSW is a skin condition, also known as Red Skin Syndrome. Google it or something for more information. I’ll give you guys some sort of background and context of my life though. As much as I would like to consider myself “fully sick” and a Chigga (an Asian influenced by urban hip-hop culture), I am, unfortunately, fully sick, in the most literal sense of the phrase. I practically grew up sneezing, coughing and scratching twenty four seven, three sixty five. I’ve had more illnesses than I care to remember and it’s only become worse with time. I’m 16 years old now. My immune system is virtually non existent and my eczema has become something much deadlier, in the form of Red Skin Syndrome. To put it crudely: my life fucking sucks. I’m not one to complain though. I feel very blessed to be living and to have some close friends and family who love me (no homo), although I think it’s safe to say that none of them understand the pain I go through everyday. At school, I keep my skin out of sight; God forbid someone see me in a short sleeve shirt, and bombard me with questions about my skin. Yes, I’m feeling fine, thank you very much. No, there is nothing wrong with me apart from the fact that I was cursed with the burden of living with a malignant skin disease. And at home? Well, my mum doesn’t really understand the concept of RSS. It’s hard to communicate what RSS is to her because her English is mediocre, and I am only semi-fluent when it comes to speaking her native language. In the end, I told her everything will be fine and dandy in three years time. Hopefully.

That’s my life story in relation to TSW. It affects me socially, mentally, emotionally and physically. It affects my school life. It affects every aspect of my life. Every second. Every minute. Everyday. There’s no escaping these demons that haunt me. The only cure? Time. Experts say that, eventually, it will go away on its own. Maybe in six months. Maybe three years. So I wait. And I scratch. Tick, tock. Scritch, scratch. Oops, I’m bleeding. Welcome to my life. It may sound melodramatic and overly exaggerated, but this is me. I’m not jealous of kids with wealth, perfect skin and their whole life set for them. I don’t want to sound cheesy, but this is who I am. I’ve been through enough trauma and bullshit to last me a lifetime, but I know there will be a million more obstacles waiting. RSS sucks (understatement of the millenium), but I wouldn’t trade away my friends, family and lifestyle just to get rid of it, because like everything else, it’ll fade with time. It’s shaped me into the person I am, and at the risk of contradicting myself, I’m kind of glad I have RSS. It makes you realise that life isn’t something to take for granted, and that every day is another day closer to death. You never know when your life will end.

Time is precious. Don’t let trivial things get to you. They don’t matter. Live life to the fullest. There will be better days, I promise you. Set aside your hate and anger. Time is precious. You want to know the worst feeling in the world (subject to opinion)? Regret. Having regrets. Regretting something. So start living. Seize the day. Carpe diem.

And so… it is through these philosophical thoughts and epiphanies that have allowed me to discover the holiest of Zen ways: the art of giving a whole lot less of a fuck. With that said, I officially and cordially welcome you to my blog, and my first serious/philosophical post. I hope I have enlightened or entertained you in some way. More to come.

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I am fresh off the bus, now I got a world to run” – Chiddy Bang

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4 Comments »

  1. ohmygosh hang in there…TSW is a b#tch…i grew up with eczema my whole life and took way too many prescription drugs for it. finally your body has enough and you have the balls to heal naturally even though it is so trying as you so eloquently wrote. resilience is the name of the game and sounds like you got a lot. it’s a process but it’s so worth it. ok. long comment, sorry! your story just really resonated with me!

    Comment by Mie Ululani — February 25, 2013 @ 6:00 pm

    • Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you were able to relate to my story! It feels good knowing that there are others out there who have been through the wire. It motivates me to stay strong and tough it out because like you said, resilience is the name of the game.

      Much love,
      FOTB

      Comment by freshoffthebus — February 26, 2013 @ 11:36 am

  2. The first few months of TSW is the worst. Hang in there. I also have no doubt in my mind that you’ll do fine. You’re wise beyond your years.

    Best,
    FOTS

    Comment by measitis — March 16, 2013 @ 5:33 am

    • Sincere thanks for the compliment and encouragement! Your blog is extremely insightful and inspirational, as well as educational. It was one of the first TSW blogs I discovered when I diagnosed myself with the disease. You are a huge inspiration to me. Thank you again, and stay strong!

      Love,
      FOTB

      Comment by freshoffthebus — March 16, 2013 @ 3:27 pm


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