Fresh Off The Bus

My, what a good day for a walk outside

April 24, 2013
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After much deliberation and doubt, I’ve decided to continue blogging. As to why I stopped blogging in the first place… well, I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that I was in a really bad place, what with my skin problems and other issues. Thus, I pretty much lost all motivation to blog. But that’s life: take the good with the bad, the bad with the good.

That being said, I also realised something very, very important. The past few weeks, I have been so incredibly sad. I wasn’t depressed or suicidal or anything like that. It was more like I was spiraling into a state of “I’m slowly losing my sanity” paranoia. I felt as if I was losing my connections with my friends and family, and each and every day, I was becoming more and more unresponsive and mentally distressed. I developed a pessimistic and cynical perspective on everything. My friend’s words and actions were treated with suspicion and contempt, as if they were leaving me out deliberately. I found myself throwing temper tantrums constantly. I became more impatient, frustrated and not “me”.

In such a state of mind, it was probably a bad idea to invite one of my best friends to sleep-over at my house. Peeps undergoing TSW will know what I mean. By the way, when I say “best friend”, I mean to say, he’s one of the two people, apart from my family, who I would trust with anything. Absolutely anything. I know there’s the common stereotype of high school friendships don’t last, and that it’s probably an immature (can’t think of the word) thing to say, but the relationship I’ve developed with this person is one of a kind. He is truly a brother from another mother. Anyway, I met up with said friend on sleepover day, and simply put, he simultaneously saved my life and changed my whole perspective and how I saw the world. I felt cleansed, spiritually and mentally (sadly, not physically). I felt rejuvenated. My paranoia evaporated in an instant, and for the first time since I started my TSW, I felt genuinely happy. I even smiled. Well, he kinda forced me to smile, but you get my point. It was a really emotional experience for me, and I felt like a bit of a sissy for crying in public (we were eating lunch, you see), but all’s well that ends well, right? I’m not even sure if I’m using that idiom in the correct context. Whatever.

So that little anecdote brings me to the main point of this post. This signals the official return of yours truly, FOTB, to the blogging community. Or wordpressing community. At FOTB, we press words and eat bao all day. I wish. But seriously, I mentioned that I realised something very, very important. I realised that, my sadness (and yours too) is but merely an illusion of the mind. We choose to be sad, but we can also choose to be happy. Glass half empty or half full scenario, folks. What I saw as mutiny and betrayal from one of my best friends (who I’ve come to realise is perhaps one of the kindest and coolest peeps in the world… yeah, I know, I need a bigger vocabulary and I need to stop including so many interruptions okay bye!) was, in fact, the exact opposite. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was playing tricks on myself! The sadness in my mind was nothing but evil sorcery conjured up by my evil brain! EVIL BRAIN! *queue Pinky and The Brain theme song*

Even though I now felt slightly more cheerful, it’s still really hard to stay positive with TSW, especially when you enter a flare. Moreover, I still didn’t have any motivation to blog. But while lying in bed, idly scratching… okay, more like furiously scratching myself, in a whim of the moment, I suddenly saw why I wasn’t into blogging anymore. When I first started this blog, I wanted to invite you guys into my world. To tell you my experiences in life, my thoughts, my feelings. I wanted to tell you guys about me! And blogging about TSW… blogging about how sad I am, and how sorry I am for myself, isn’t me. Me is wanting to be a chef, loving food, loving music, loving life! Me is Hip Hop, speaking like I’m from the hood when I really ain’t (see?), me is video games and fun!

So there you have it. My revelation. I want to say again, and this time for myself rather than y’all… Fresh Off The Bus was initially created as a blog for me to, unknowingly, dump all my negative emotion into, hoping for some sort of sympathy from other sufferers. All too quickly, it became a tangled web of unnecessary bitterness and sadness, the morose words of a troubled soul, blinded by hate and all things bad in the world. Blah blah melodrama. That wasn’t what I wanted FOTB to be. FOTB is a reflection of myself, and who I want to be. Starting today, I want to post about the computer games I play, and the music I listen to; food culture, poetry, cute animals, etc. And of course, philosophy and “real talk”, as I promised. Anything that’s me. I’ll still have the occasional life update and TSW post, but from now on, I’m not counting the days. I’m choosing to be happy and not sad. Like Bruce Lee said, “As you think, so shall you become.” There will be the inevitable days when I’m feeling down, but hopefully this blog will be one that I can be proud of, and contain posts that you guys will enjoy. I am Fresh Off The Bus. And shit, I got a world to run.

Dosvedanya, comrades! Adios, amigos! I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’ll see you guys in the next post.

Peace out 🙂

“My, what a good day for a walk outside”
Life is hectic. We’ve become caught up
in the chaos and pandemonium, so much
so that we’ve lost sight of the simple things.
The things that make us happy. It’s a
good day outside. Take a walk. -FOTB.


Day X – Self Internalisation and Time; Carpe Diem

February 24, 2013

This post might end up being very long, and it might not make much sense either. It’s about 11:30 PM; I have school tomorrow, a metric tonne of homework I haven’t completed and frankly, my mind isn’t dealing too well with life at the moment. You’ll also notice that I am spelling words the British/Australian way. Deal with it.

So as the title says, I am on my tenth day of TSW. By the way, if you don’t already know, TSW is a skin condition, also known as Red Skin Syndrome. Google it or something for more information. I’ll give you guys some sort of background and context of my life though. As much as I would like to consider myself “fully sick” and a Chigga (an Asian influenced by urban hip-hop culture), I am, unfortunately, fully sick, in the most literal sense of the phrase. I practically grew up sneezing, coughing and scratching twenty four seven, three sixty five. I’ve had more illnesses than I care to remember and it’s only become worse with time. I’m 16 years old now. My immune system is virtually non existent and my eczema has become something much deadlier, in the form of Red Skin Syndrome. To put it crudely: my life fucking sucks. I’m not one to complain though. I feel very blessed to be living and to have some close friends and family who love me (no homo), although I think it’s safe to say that none of them understand the pain I go through everyday. At school, I keep my skin out of sight; God forbid someone see me in a short sleeve shirt, and bombard me with questions about my skin. Yes, I’m feeling fine, thank you very much. No, there is nothing wrong with me apart from the fact that I was cursed with the burden of living with a malignant skin disease. And at home? Well, my mum doesn’t really understand the concept of RSS. It’s hard to communicate what RSS is to her because her English is mediocre, and I am only semi-fluent when it comes to speaking her native language. In the end, I told her everything will be fine and dandy in three years time. Hopefully.

That’s my life story in relation to TSW. It affects me socially, mentally, emotionally and physically. It affects my school life. It affects every aspect of my life. Every second. Every minute. Everyday. There’s no escaping these demons that haunt me. The only cure? Time. Experts say that, eventually, it will go away on its own. Maybe in six months. Maybe three years. So I wait. And I scratch. Tick, tock. Scritch, scratch. Oops, I’m bleeding. Welcome to my life. It may sound melodramatic and overly exaggerated, but this is me. I’m not jealous of kids with wealth, perfect skin and their whole life set for them. I don’t want to sound cheesy, but this is who I am. I’ve been through enough trauma and bullshit to last me a lifetime, but I know there will be a million more obstacles waiting. RSS sucks (understatement of the millenium), but I wouldn’t trade away my friends, family and lifestyle just to get rid of it, because like everything else, it’ll fade with time. It’s shaped me into the person I am, and at the risk of contradicting myself, I’m kind of glad I have RSS. It makes you realise that life isn’t something to take for granted, and that every day is another day closer to death. You never know when your life will end.

Time is precious. Don’t let trivial things get to you. They don’t matter. Live life to the fullest. There will be better days, I promise you. Set aside your hate and anger. Time is precious. You want to know the worst feeling in the world (subject to opinion)? Regret. Having regrets. Regretting something. So start living. Seize the day. Carpe diem.

And so… it is through these philosophical thoughts and epiphanies that have allowed me to discover the holiest of Zen ways: the art of giving a whole lot less of a fuck. With that said, I officially and cordially welcome you to my blog, and my first serious/philosophical post. I hope I have enlightened or entertained you in some way. More to come.


I am fresh off the bus, now I got a world to run” – Chiddy Bang

Can’t Stop

February 20, 2013
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Last year, I started a blog and it was, for a while, a good way for me to express the many thoughts and theories of life and other things inside my head. I’m not sure what made me stop – probably lack of motivation – but some recent events in my life have inspired me to open another blog.

I will also be documenting my journey as a teenage boy living with TSW: the ups, the downs, and the really, really bad days, which usually involves me turning into a quasi-red hot chili pepper. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my infinite love for puns and wordplay.

So stay tuned for some (hopefully) awesome blog posts; some funky, some depressing, and some deep. My mind is an endless stretch of creativity, imagination and philosophy, and I wish to share it with you. Cheers.

Can’t stop itchin’. Can’t stop thinkin’. Bittersweet.